Stage of Change: Lapse & Relapse
Change is rarely a straight line. It twists, it turns, it loops back on itself. You move forward, then stumble, then get back up again.
In my work with Change Grow Live, a drug and alcohol rehabilitation service here in Brighton, I often hear people say things like, “This isn’t my first detox,” or “I quit smoking for two years, but then my dad died and I started again.”
Lapse vs Relapse: What’s the Difference?
A lapse is a slip - a temporary return to an old behaviour before quickly regaining control. It’s a momentary setback, like having one drink after weeks of staying sober or missing a few gym sessions after months of consistency.
A relapse, on the other hand, is a longer return to previous patterns. It often happens when a lapse isn’t addressed, and old habits start to take hold again. Relapse can feel heavier because it can come with guilt or frustration, and potentially feel difficult to break out of again, but it’s still part of the learning process.
Both are opportunities to reflect and strengthen your recovery. A lapse is a signal that something needs attention. A relapse is a reminder to rebuild support and reconnect with your reasons for change. Neither means you’ve failed - they are a part of Stages of Change and simply show that change takes time, patience, and care.
A Natural Stage of Change
Relapse isn’t failure. In the Stages of Change model, relapse is recognised as a normal stage in the process of lasting transformation. It’s a time to reflect, to learn, and to rebuild the tools that help you stay on track.
Think about when you learnt to walk. Did you one day suddenly spring up on your feet and stride across the room? Of course not. You tried to get up, then you fell. Then you tried again, and you fell again. Eventually, you developed the muscles to keep you up for good.
Change works the same way. Every fall strengthens your awareness, your understanding, and your resilience.
Why Relapse Happens
Relapse often happens during times of stress, loss, fatigue, or emotional overwhelm. The brain looks for comfort and safety, and old habits once provided that. Returning to them doesn’t mean you’re incapable or achieving your goal. It simply shows where support or structure needs strengthening.
This is why self-compassion is essential. Beating yourself up only deepens the struggle. Whereas curiosity keeps you moving forward.
Ask yourself:
What was happening before the lapse?
What was I feeling or avoiding?
What helped me last time, and how can I bring that back now?
The answers hold the keys to resilience.
How to Respond to a Lapse
Pause and notice. Recognise what happened without judgment.
Reflect. Identify what triggered the lapse and what you can learn from it.
Reconnect. Reach out to someone you trust - a friend, a support worker, or your therapist.
Rebuild. Strengthen the foundations. Adjust your plan, refresh your goals, and try again.
Refocus. Remember what you want, and why you started.
If you fall during a running race, you don’t have to start again from the beginning. You just get up, and carry on.
A Mindful Perspective
Relapse can feel like you’ve lost ground, but from a therapeutic point of view, it’s simply a stage of growth. When you fall, you have an opportunity to rise with more awareness, more strength, and a deeper understanding of yourself.
Hypnotherapy can support this process by helping you identify triggers, rebuild confidence, and strengthen the mindset that keeps you moving forward. Whether in it’s here in Brighton or online, I help people calm the guilt, release the shame, and refocus on what matters most.
Reflection Questions
What have I learned from my previous lapses or relapses?
What supports help me stay strong when life feels heavy?
What other challenges have I overcome in my life time? How did I do it?
What strengths and abilities do I have that will be most useful in this change?
What patterns do I notice before I slip back?
What can I do differently next time?
How can I remind myself that I’m still making progress?
Falling Forward
When a child falls while learning to walk, no one tells them to give up. We smile, we encourage them, we say, “Try again.” You deserve the same kindness.
Every step, even the ones that move backward, is part of the forward journey. The goal isn’t to never fall - it’s to keep getting back up.
With each rise, you get stronger.
Remember, if you need help to quit smoking, overcome anxiety, relieve depression or anything else, I you can book a one-to-one hypnotherapy session, online with me, from wherever you are in the world.
David Stewart
Evergreen Hypnotherapy 🌱
